Sunday, September 11, 2011


I've been meaning to blog more than this, and I've got some drafts in the works that should be coming in the next week or so. But, to be honest, it's been rough. I'm still sick, Adam's been sick/dealing with a face infection, and it's all been a bit depressing. 

As much as I would like to avoid these sorts of posts, the unsaid undercurrent of this blog is that it is supposed to help me feel better. Like therapy, almost. Whenever something scares or confuses me, I like to research it until I feel better. Regurgitating some of that research/starting a discussion with those of kind enough to read this helps me feel like I have some community support, and gives me strength & will to go on. 

But sometimes, I just get fatigued. Often literally. I've tried so hard over the past few years. I've started to eat better, I've changed my lifestyle, I've detoxed my home and changed my hygiene & cosmetic products. But I'm still so frustrated with my own body. This summer especially, I've felt trapped in my own skin. Unable to do what I want or, in some cases, even what I'm expected to do on a regular basis because something is wrong with me. 

Often, my friends & family are less than understanding when it comes to these struggles. I feel a lack of concern, or a face of concern with an undercurrent of anger/disbelief, like I'm making it up because I don't want to spend time with them or participate in their social events. I would love to be able to do all of those things. It felt good when I was able to do yoga, run three times a week, still get in my other exercise, and balance that with some occasional outings, but it turns out my body can't handle that. 

Right now, I feel exhausted. What did I do today? I slept in, went downtown and did a bit of shopping, came home, then went & saw a movie. Not exactly physically taxing stuff. I just took my iron supplement with a dose of DayQuil because I'm still coughing, sniffling, running a fever, etc. (for the record, never make the mistake we made & buy the generic DayQuil. It tastes even worse) 

These things aren't supposed to happen to people committed to living a healthy lifestyle, people who eat well & exercise regularly. I was trying all these measures as preventative care, and now I'm struggling to maintain any sort of life at all. It has been a victory for me every day I'm able to successfully get out of bed and drag my sorry ass into work. It is a struggle to get through each and every day on a physical level, and it's begun to wear me down mentally. I feel like I'm grasping at straws. But, life goes on, and I'm going to try & figure this out.


  1. Ugh! I'm so sorry this cold won't let you go. Damn these clingy illnesses! I sure do hope you're feeling better today. I know it's hard to stay positive about anything when you're sick but I'm positive this will all work itself out and you'll be back on track and feeling more like yourself in no time. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
    You will figure this all out!

  2. Thanks : ) When I got to work this morning, the A/C was broken and our main system that we use to do our work was down (and is still not functioning well),'s been an interesting Monday. But hey, that means the rest of the week should get better, right?

  3. I feel like this all the time. I can't decide if its rational or if I'm some sort of hypochondriac. Then I wonder if people like us have so many issues, does EVERYONE? Or are there people who are just perfect? And for the record...if I went downtown shopping at all I'd be dead tired too!

    I've been trying to be a lot more healthy myself. Some days are better than others. I think it's ok to be lazy now and then. I also think it's important not to compare your results with anyone else's. Our bodies are so different. My main problem is my caffeine addiction. I think it's more of a mental addiction to the process of getting coffee and drinking it. Although I do get caffeine headache if I go a day or two cold turkey.

  4. Caffeine addiction is serious! Adam was feeling really bad our last day at Bumbershoot, he was starting to feel like he caught my illness (which he eventually did, of course) and he was having a headache, etc. -- it all went away as soon as he made a trip to the Starbucks Insider Lounge & got some free coffee!

  5. I know exactly how you feel.. my struggle is more the kids then family, being too sick and tired to enjoy my children is the worst. Question, have you ever had your vitamin d levels checked?

  6. I know I answered you via text message, but I'll post it here too - my vitamin D levels were so bad that I am on prescription D supplements that are 50,000 IU (most OTC D supplements are 1,000 IU), and I take that weekly. I get my levels checked again in...I think 6-8 weeks. I'm also taking prescription iron supplements.